A guest blog post by Coen Tan

 

 

I’ve seen a U.F.O!

Last evening, coming back from my jog around the neighbourhood, I saw my neighbour playing with a very interesting gadget, and it looked like this…

My first thought was “WOW!  So this could be some of the U.F.O sightings that people have reported over the years!”

Indeed, it’s called a remote-control U.F.O.

How wonderful!

I had seen documentaries on them and one of the common comments was that these objects defy the laws of Physics.

I found myself saying to my neighbour, “No way is THAT THING going to be able to fly!”

His reply was telling, “I thought the same way too.  But the shop assistant who sold it to me said it would, so I would just have to trust in the instrument!”

I watched, wide-eyed, as my neighbour proceeded to fly that thing.  It was able to change directions, swerve, and even do back -flips.  I couldn’t help but whip out my cell-phone to capture this short clip.

After watching this, I found myself asking how an object, with 4 propellers arranged in a square-shape, can fly in such a manner.

I am not an engineer – so don’t hammer me for any wrong conclusions.  If you have a better explanation, please send me your expert explanations to coen.tancm@gmail.com.

Given my limited understanding of physics, my conclusion was that the 4 propellers must be able to move in tandem in such a way that 1 or 2 of the propellers reduce thrust, causing an imbalance in power between two sides in order to effect a change in direction.  A flip can only be effected if the power on one side is so overwhelmingly powerful at that split second that the disk flips over.

Watching that happening before me, I couldn’t help but think of how it relates to real life.

In our lives, we are called upon to make turns, be flexible, sometimes even make flips and bend over backwards to make things work.  In such situations, we have to remember that we have the ability to have control over how we respond to situations.

We have that control panel in our lives.

The four propellers in the control panel of our lives could be:

  • Tenderness
  • Assertiveness
  • Playfulness
  • Agreeableness

In any given situation, we have to find the perfect blend of these 4 aspects.  For example, at work, we may choose to bring a certain amount of tenderness in the way we treat our co-workers and employees, and a fair amount of playfulness in our approach to tasks if we want to cultivate a fun culture.  However, there must be a healthy dose of assertiveness, or people will not take us seriously and we may not achieve our goals.  Off work, there are times when we may have to have high agreeableness, relax and go along with the flow.  At times when we have to be assertive about our boundaries.

Just like the remote control U.F.O flying through the air, as we meet life situations, we may have to tune up one aspect of the control panel, and turn down other aspects.

We will definitely make mistakes.

We may sometimes be overly assertive and forceful and cause disharmony in groups.  We then need to crank up tenderness, agreeableness and maybe even playfulness.

We may sometimes be overly playful and people may not take us seriously.  We may then need to be more assertive, within reasonable boundaries.

In new situations, we may have to be tender to others in order to build rapport.  We may even have to be agreeable in the short run, don’t rock the boat, and seek to better understand the situation before taking control later.

Regardless of how we look, (that U.F.O thing doesn’t even look good!), our confidence level, or even our social status. We have to remember that we have that “control panel” inside everyone of us.

Just like the flying U.F.O, our mind is an amazing instrument that can make adjustments.  We will definitely make mistakes, but the key is to take the feedback, and adjust ourselves accordingly.

In the words of my neighbour, we just have to trust in our instruments.


How then, can we apply these lessons?

People often get stuck in situations when they become over-identified with their personalities.   We give ourselves labels such as "I am an introvert, I am not the sort of person who rocks the boat", or "I am not that cold, logical, calculative type of person". 

These labels shape the way people respond to life situations, and because people generally want to be consistent with the labels they give themselves, they cannot be flexible to the needs of situations.

The antidote to this is to gain self-awareness of your own personality.  Understand that an introvert is not more or less likely to be assertive, and assertiveness is a necessary tool in our "control panel" that help us to set and enforce boundaries to protect our interests.  Understand that logical people are not necessarily cold and calculative and are capable of being tender and playful too – provided they know they can access these tools when the situation arise.  By knowing your own personality, you can then respond in spite of your personality, and wrestle full control of the "control panel" in your communications.

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI) instrument is administered by trained professionals all over the world. It is the most widely used personality assessment of its kind. It will help you to understand how people differ in the way they prefer to relate to one another, process information and make decisions.